1) First of all, it's narrated by Julie Andrews. Five million points awarded.
2) “I've been dreaming of a true love's kiss...” Me too Giselle. Preach sister. This song is super cute and beautifully reminicient of early Disney. James Marseden. Good. Grief. I know he's supposed to kind of be a dope in this movie, but I think he's precious. And that voice! A dope he may be, but a dope with a most glorious voice. Even when he talks its musical. “AHHH GISELLE!!! WE SHALL BE MARRIED IN THE MORNING!!” Whoa there Edward...maybe buy me dinner first?
3) Queen Narissa. Girl. Chill the heck out. “So this is the little forest rat that wants to steal my crown!?!” Seriously. It's a little much. You're still fairly young, you have many years to reign yet. They're just getting married, and let's be serious, at this point, neither one of them are the brightest crayon in the box. No one was planning on stealing anything. But I love Susan Sarandon's voice for her character.
4) Aww now she's in New York getting nearly run over by cars and yelled at. Poor thing. Everyone LAY off poor Giselle. She was about to get MARRIED and now she's in hell. Quit yelling at her!!
5) And now, whoa. Shut up everyone, Patrick Dempsey is in the building. Even with these people screaming over their sorry little baseball card problems, he is just dreamy. And “he's wearing a SUIT”! (Read in the voice of Barney Stinson) However, he does lose some points for that lousy gift. Really Patrick? You're dumping news of this magnitude on this precious child, and she gets a book that's way too old for her, INSTEAD of the awesome book she wanted? Come on. The receptionist was right, a Shetland pony was in order.
6) OK now seriously how is Giselle's dress staying this clean? I know it's a movie but...really.
7) CATCH HER PATRICK, CATCH HER. Oh thank God. I'd climb a much higher billboard and jump off it to fall into his arms, just by the way. And don't kid yourself, he wanted her to stay in the first place. He wouldn't have let her come back to the apartment and let the kid get more attached to her if he didn't. He had a cell phone, she could have used it from the cab if that was really all he intended to do. It's a very sweet touch though, in my opinion, that he has Morgan come sleep in his room, just in case, she did wind up being a psycho.
8) And here comes Edward and Pip. Hahahaha Edward in New York is freaking hilarious. “The steel beast is dead peasants, I have set you all free!”
9) Giselle is awake and ready to clean. And...the dress is still perfect. I swear, as much as I love her, we could never be friends. Her constant perfection would drive me batty. Who looks that lovely and fresh in the morning, after the night she had?? Eww cockroaches. Sing Giselle, sing, make it all better! Wait, why does she know the word “crud”? First time a Disney princess has ever used that word, I'd bet money. Or toilet. WHY IS SHE SO GORGEOUS AND CUTE? Hahaha one of the rats is drying a cup with his butt. It still makes me mad the that stupid pigeon eats that cockroach. I hate roaches, but he helped clean ya'll, and what does he get for his trouble? Eaten. So unfair. Now Patrick is stammering and awkward cause she's in his shower. This is also cute.
10) Enter Indina Menzel. I know we're not supposed to like her much, but it's Indina Menzel. And she has a total right to be confused and angry upon finding this perky, perfect girl in her boyfriend's bathroom.
11) Geez Narissa is just awful. With nearly every line she takes away another chunk of Nathaniel's manhood, or lies to him in the most obvious way possible. Come on man. I know love is blind but this is ridiculous.
12) Pip in this world is absolutely hilarious. (And I'm not gonna lie, I can totally do his squeaky voice pretty well.) “Wanna apple? Oh no thank you. It's gooooood!” Come ON Edward. I love ya, you dope, but could you take a break from being a dope for two seconds and help Pip out here?
13) If we girls started treating each other the way Giselle treats total strangers, we could all get along. She just compliments this woman so genuinely and truthfully. It's really sweet. And her reaction to the couple's divorce is really touching, I feel like. It really breaks her heart to think of them seperating, because she understands better than most, how important love is. She knows how important it is to fight for it, and how sad if the battle is lost.
14) I like how they both have something to learn from each other. He needs to loosen up and love on his woman some more, and she needs to slow down just a tad and maybe see a movie with her fiance, before tying the knot. “Five years and you haven't proposed? Well no wonder she's angry...” Hahahaha but seriously.
15) Ya'll. This song. This scene is one of my favorites in any movie, ever. And the lyrics are so great and very truthful! “You've got to show her you need her. Don't treat her like a mind reader. Each day do something to lead her to believe you love her.” PREACH lovely Jamaican man, PREACH. And Patrick, quit being coy. You know you love this. Show us those happy-in-the-air-hands. And Edward, you're too much. “GISELLE!!!!” -stuffs fist in mouth-
16) Of course Nancy loved the flowers you moron. Girls love flowers. Real ones. Not ones sent over the INTERNET. I can't believe that even needs to be said. Come on Patrick.
17) This looks like a lovely non-date. Pizza, Patrick and magic tricks. Sign me up. Aww man, he just looks so sad here. :( Now we understand better why he can be such a buzzkill. Alright, we'll cut you some slack. What heartless, crazy women walks out on Patrick Dempsey and a one year old child???
18) Giselle is now ANGRY. And surprise, surprise, she's still cute. And she's touching Patrick Dempsey's chest hair. Alright then.
19) Now Edward shows up in all his dopey glory. GO AWAY EDWARD can't you see they're having breakfast??? Although, still, that angelic VOICE. There ya go Giselle, make him take you on a real date. Good girl. (I could seriously cry when she walks off with him and leaves Patrick and Morgan standing there, looking all motherless and sad and pathetic-like.)
20) I'm really happy the couple from Patrick's office got back together. Like, really.
21) Well this is an awkward date. They have nothing to say to each other. They're so not on the same page. Hmm. I'm wishing for that non-date back.
22) SHE'S BACK!! It's like when Maria comes back to Von Trap children. And they're going shopping!! This is awesome!! “Is this what it's like? Going shopping with your mother?” AHH. Break my heart why dontcha Morgan?
23) Narissa is here in all her evil, overreacting-to-everything glory. (Where is Nathaniel getting all these clothes and disguises? Seriously.) “Hello worthless.” GOSH she's nasty.
24) And now the ball. OK some of these dance moves are a little stupid, unless of course, the camera is on Patrick. In which case, its debonair and fantastic. He can dance. He dances beautifully. This is such a heartbreakingly lovely scene. I love this song. (Although its an odd choice for a “dance with someone you didn't come with” dance. Just sayin'...) They both look so scared. It reminds me of Beauty and the Beast. AND OHGAWD NOW HE'S SINGING IN HER EAR and the music is swelling and there's confetti and everywhere puppies are being born and, oh there's Nancy. Grrrr.....
25) Gross, Narissa is really disgusting in real life. Don't eat the apple Giselle!! Fail on the true love's kiss there Edward. But never fear, Patrick is here. “I knew it was you.” Awww man.
26) And now Narissa's freaking out again. Good Lord, it doesn't always have to be about you! Put Patrick down!! Stop ruining the ball! Get it Giselle, climbing the tower and taking on the dragon. (Side note, the score for this movie is fantastic.)
27) “Is this a habit of yours? Falling off stuff?” “Only when you're around to catch me.” Excuse me while I die of cute.
28) Aww poor Nancy. Here, have James Marsden. I'd ship that.
29) I LOVE THIS SONG. Carrie Underwood is my hero.
30) And they made a beautiful dress shop, Nathaniel took back his man card, Pip became a celebrity, and they all cavorted around, dancing and generally making merry forever and ever, amen. “I've BEEN DREAMING OF A TRUE LOVE'S KIIIIIIIIIIIIIIS” Goodbye Julie Andrews!!